The Mina and Mother Milani visit

oh...the infamous Mina and Mother Milani visit. This was “classic Larry”… pulling out all the stops to flatter Mina and her mother. There are some gems of lines in this one… ones that stick to us even to this day, such as my response to “we talk about you every day” to which I respond “you mean you sit around the breakfast table every day and say 'okay, let's talk about Larry.'" If you knew Mina, you are sure to appreciate this.


Mina’s mother: Yes and I wanted to (inaudible)..that’s why I came here.
Me: Really?
Minas Mother: Yes.
Mina: You know how you always call and you go “HI! Is Mina there?”
Me: Yes
Mina My father says “Larry….Larry…give us the last name”. And then you say “Larry Singer”
Me: Yes
Mina: And my father says, “O.k..that’s O.k.” The password is “Singer”.
Mina’s Mother: Can I touch you? Do you mind if I touch you?
Me: Mmm hmmm.
Mina’s Mother: O.k.
Me: Hello.
Mina: Hello my dear.
Me: Hello, my dear. Mina…why are your parents so wonderful?
Mina: Because I’m lucky, just like you are.
Me: Mina. You ARE lucky
Mina’s Mother: You have beautiful parents
Mina: You know we’re both lucky
Me: You have a beautiful daughter, did you know that ma’am
Mina’s Mother: Thank you.
Me: You’re beautiful Mina…did you know that Mina?
(Mom audibly laughing uncomfortably in the background)
Mina: Keep telling me, I feel better. All my insecurities out the window.
Me: (quietly) Mina, did you know that?
Mom: You’re adorable Mina.
Me: You have a beautiful mother.
(everyone speaking at once)
I mean it Mina.
Mina’s Mother: We LOVE You. We are..every day with you.
Me: Really?
Mina’s Mother: Every day!
Mina: Did you know we talk about you every single day??
Mina’s Mother: Evey day
Me: Really?
Mina: Yeah..really.
Me: You guys talk about me every day?
Mina’s Mother & Mina: We talk about you every single day.
Me (solo): Do you say at the breakfast table…
(mom bursts out laughing)
Me (giggling to myself): O.k. guys..let’s talk about, it’s time to talk about Larry
(mom still laughing)
Mina’s Mother (not catching on to my cynical sense of humour): No no..because I’m in the hospital…(inaudible)
Me: It’s time to talk Larry.
Mina (catching on): Yes, Larry.
Mina’s Mother: We call you.
Mom (laughing): That’s the first time he say (inaudible)
Dad; No, no..he told us a joke.
Someone: yes
Mina: Are you still making jokes?
You’re still cracking jokes… wiseguy.
Me: Instead of saying… instead of saying “okay guys, time for your prayer”… you go, “okay guys….It’s…” (can’t speak because I’m laughing. Mom & Dad join in the laughing. Meanwhile, in the other units of the ICU, people are wondering what kind of madness is going on in that room)
Mina: Yes..we pray for Larry.
(I start sort of choking in the background)
Mom: (laughing) Oh God!
Mina: You’re a regular Johnny Carson
Mina’s Mother: We love you.
Me: (self deprecatingly humorously) now it’s time to make fun of Larry
Uh huh
Mom: (seriously) no, they’re not going to make fun of you.
Mina: We would never make fun of you
Mina’s Mother: Often we talk about you, and we want you to be strong.
Me: (Startled) are you serious, ma’am?
Mina’s Mother: I am
Me: that is the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard.
Mina’s Mother: Yes, be strong and patient, and you’re doing a wonderful job
Me: Mina
Mina: Yes
Me: You’ve got wonderful parents, did you know that?
Mina (laughing) I know that.
Me: Mina…Did you know that you have wonderful parents?
Mina: Yes, I know that.
Me: Mina…God did you know that!
(Mom with an uncomfortable chuckle)
Me: Mina..I wondered, how did you come out so perfect?
Mina: Perfect
Mina’s Mother: She’s O.k.
Mina: (laughing) I’m o.k. see?
Me: I said “Her parents better be perfect”.
Mom: (moving things along) O.k….
Mina’s Mother: We are going to… think about you every day, and we are going to pray for you
Me: Are you serious?
Mina: At the kitchen table!
Mom: (mom busts up) At breakfast….that’s Larry talking
Me: “okay everybody…time to go scare…(laughing)….time to go run away”
Mom: (laughing) That’s the first time he’s laughed. This is great.
Me: Time to go run away from the monster man
Mom: (sort of uncomfortably) Larrryyy….that’s the first time he told a joke.
Mina: You are a substantial joke teller.
Mom: Aww…that’s great.
Me: really?
Mina: That’s a substantial joke.
Me: serious?
Mina: substantial
Mina’s Mother: Your eyes are beautiful. You have beautiful eyes.
Me: You really think Ma’am
Mina: Yes
Me: you really think Ma’am?
Mina’s Mother: Yes, I have your picture at home.
Mom: they still have sparkle in them, don’t they?
Mina’s Mother: Yes.
Mina: Do you remember at Kevin’s graduation? Kevin Stockdale? And we all took pictures.
Me: Yes
Mina: I have those pictures
Me: Dammit
Mina: I’ll bring them for you
Me God damn
Mom: Hey Lar…you gotta watch your language
Me Mina..you have wonderful eyes too.
Mina: I’ve got, she’s got green eyes too.
Me: Mina
Mina: They’re really green eyes, not contact lenses
Me: You have wonderful eyes.
Me: Mina….
Mina: Yes.
Me: You’re pretty just like your mom, did you know that??
(silence)
Mom: o.k….you ready to take a nap, Lar?
Dad: He’s a real charmer, isn’t he?
Mina: Yes
Mom: I’m afraid we’re pushing our luck
Me: Mina
Mina: Yes
Me: Are you ready…to go..sleep..or what?
Mina: umm
Mom: No, no..I meant to leave, to go back to LA
Mina’s Mother: Yes, we have to go back to LA. I’m going tonight to hospital. I am working tonight, yes.
Mina: I’m going to come back and visit you..your birthday’s coming up.
Me: Your mom’s a secretary?
Mina: No…
Mina’s Mother: A nurse. I’m just a nurse. My specialty is geriatric medicine
Mom: Alzheimer’s
Mina: Can you handle all that??
Mina’s Mother: geriatrics too, and critical care. You’re doing a fine job.
Me: Is she a nurse?
Mom: mmmhmm
Me: she’s a nurse?
Everyone: Yeah!
Me: Marian?
(silence)
mom: Oh..he’s thinking…he calls his nurse “Marian”..his nurse is Maureen
O.k.
Me: what’s that song called?? “Nurse…nurse, um…nurse, um…nurse Raymond, or something like that?”
Mom: How about “Marian The Librarian”?
Me: What was that song called “Nurse”
Mina: nurse…
Mom: O.K.
Mina: …would you bring me my flowers?
Me: huh
Mom: O.K..say goobye Lar
Me: Goodbye Lar
Mina: Goodbye
Mina’s mother: Goodbye, Larry, we love you
Mina: Say Goodnight Gracie. Goodnight Gracie
Me: Goodnight Gracie
Mina: Can I give you a kiss on the cheek?
Me: Yes Marian
Mom: Mina!
(phone rings)
Me: Mina go ahead. Goodbye Mina.
Mina: Goodbye Larry. I’m going to come back and visit you.
Me: goodbye Marian
Mina’s Mother: Shalom!
Me: shalom to you to.
(mom on the phone in the background)
Mina: You take care of yourself..im going to call every single day.
Me; Goodbye Mina
Mina: I love you, Larry
Me: Love you too.
Dad: Thanks for coming by.